My breakdown and some other things that followed. Part One.

Part One: Hindsight.

I had a breakdown in November 2016, it started in work, brought on by acute anxiety and OCD, depression came after.

When I think back it wasn’t quite as epic as I would of liked it to have been. If I could do it all again I certainly would of taken my trousers off in the office, instead of just sitting in one of the meeting rooms crying and looking haunted. Taking of my trousers would have gained me some extra leave from work. That`s the thing with hindsight, you always get the good ideas after the event. Never mind.

Since that time I have started writing a bit. I do enjoy it and I find it does help, if anything its a distraction from worrying about completely mental things that no one else worries about. I enjoy writing poetry mainly, or at least try my best at it.

The other night my partner came home after a full day in work, bags of shopping in both hands,keys in mouth and I said “Hi hun, I have written a poem called Bleeding Hands (sounds easy going listening dosent it), ill read it you” she hadn’t even put down the bags and I was already going on about possibly the most depressing dark sounding poems imaginable. I was like Gollum, crawling out of the shadows, “hheeelllooo my precious, would you like to hear our poem, weez hopez you likesss it??”

to be continued…….

10 thoughts on “My breakdown and some other things that followed. Part One.

  1. I also started blogging as catharsis for the breakdown which followed becoming disabled. I am also a perfectionist and try not to let that be a barrier to just writing. Sometimes it’s better to just do something, anything than get it ‘right’ and end up doing nothing at all.

    Thank you for sharing your experiences. I had no idea before I got ill, that there is a whole world of people having the struggles every day. When I broke, I thought I was a failure. All I saw were other people, managing, being ok.

    Writing about these things may be for your own sake, but don’t underestimate the impact it has on your readers in making them feel less alone, less defective, more understood.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Jade, thank for you message. I am very much a perfectionist, if it is not straight line perfect or a slight criticism aimed my way, its like an attack on my whole being. Its funny you know I always mentioned OCD, depression and anxiety as being the main players but its the perfectionist side of it all that lit the fuse, or at least I think thats the case,

      Liked by 1 person

  2. The way you dress a dark moment in humor… reminds me of me, which of course I like, which shows I have a narcissistic streak (but don’t we all, if we’re honest? I mean, we wouldn’t write it if we didn’t like it).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am firm believer people, where ever possible need to find the humor in any situation. Also its important to be able to laugh at yourself, hows the saying go, “if you cant laugh at yourself your missing the greatest joke of all”

      Liked by 3 people

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