Saturday Food Shop

Saturday,

Up, after extra 4-minute lie in,

Breakfast,

Extra butter, its Saturday,

Shower,

Bring iPad in bathroom,

Create playlist,

14 mins later,

Name playlist,

“Shower playlist”,

Rush shower,

Only play half of one song,

Dry,

Clothes, scruffy wear, shop wear,

Not bothered how I look wear

Is bothered,

Is so incredibly, mystifyingly, bothered.

Drive to food shop,

Slight weekend euphoria in the air,

Remember that thing that needs sorting,

Merry go round it starts to turn in my head,

Round,

Round,

Round,

Stress about thing,

Round,

Plan to do an easier thing.

Back to food shop drive,

Man, with yappy demanding dog,

Wait no, my mistake,

That’s his child, drinking an energy drink,

No doubt a potential future genius,

Or failing that,

Placed on the spectrum somewhere,

Never just,

Average.

Early morning runner smashing #goals, coming in the opposite direction,

Incredibly depressed once, not anymore,

Fair play.

Arrive at shop,

Shop the for big shop,

Big Saturday shop,

Rock and roll.

Knows the isles of by heart,

Up,

Down,

Pick up,

Put back,

Head for something over on that rack.

See man getting it in the ear,

From his darling

Dear,

Oh dear, poor bloke,

I reckon he is called Nigel, looks like a Nigel, was a wild-eyed wanderer back in the day,

What day was that Nigel?

Don’t ask him, he can’t remember, the memory has been pecked out of him.

Move past,

Engage evasive manoeuvres for lady pushing pram,

Sorry I didn’t move quick enough,

I will dive faster next time,

Mother with child everyone, coming through! I call,

To alert the others in her path,

War path,

He dosent look at me the same path,

He likes that woman in work I know he does path,

She’s younger path,

Should never have had kids’ path,

Can’t you see I have a pram?

Path.

Hit till now,

Right, let’s have it,

Fire my items down the black rolling strip to the tone of the beep,

Person on check out dosent even register me,

Registers everything else though,

Hawk eye, fastest scanner in the West,

Pay,

Already guessed amount,

Being the “Rain Man” shopper I am,

Leave,

Pack car with items,

What did I forget?

I always do,

To hell with it, I’ll just have to chance it,

I got to get out of here,

Chest tightens,

Sweat forming on back,

Flushed,

Rushed,

I can’t go back,

They will all know I forgot something,

Tut,

Followed by the subtle eye roll.

Forget it,

I am off,

Worst case scenario,

I can stop at another shop,

Ha!

Solved that crisis,

Like a champion.

 

 

Copyright © 2018 Charlie Hasler.

 

 

 

OCD, Anxiety, Depression, and other reasons I am not an Astronaut: Part 5

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I feel compelled to write a post focusing around the title of this post and similar posts before.

Firstly, the title itself is an attempt at irony and or humour. I am not a believer that a person should limit themselves to anything or blame their mental health problems on their place in the world. However, it can contribute to some deciding factors in a person’s life. For example, all I wanted to do from being a small lad all the way up to being a big lad, was be in the army, parachute regiment specifically, infantry. That was it for me, the start and the end game, “be the best” as they say. However, despite my high fitness levels and determination I failed the medical, why? because my medical records were reviewed and my various issues both historically and at the present time, were flagged. So, I was rejected. That just is what it is, fact. My mental health problems stopped me from doing what I wanted to do. I was fairly down about it afterwards, but now not so much, things happen for a reason, or they just happen. So hence the title, with my mental health problems if I said “I want to be Astronaut” would I really ever become one, no, of course not. I am fine with that, we all have our limits.

Society makes people believe on one hand we can be anything but on the other hand dishes out the reality with a slap of disappointment.

I am not bitter about not being able to pursue a military career because I tried my best, that is, I believe, the correct message to send out to the world, leave nothing in the tank (no pun intended) and give it your all.

At the end of the day you may not walk on the moon, but if you left it all on the track trying, then you achieved something by having the courage to try in the first place.

Thanks for reading.